How we actually spent our 23rd anniversary.

Bear went to work and I took the kids to school as per usual. Mid-morning, I drove to Bear's office to pick him up and we went to meet with a potential colorectal surgeon, Dr. Brookover. We ended up loving the doctor, who is a straight-shooter and also hilariously sarcastic. Perfect fit, ha! Bear had a proctoscopy and we couldn't stop laughing at "celebrating" our anniversary in such a way. The tools laid out didn't include the worst ones, which Doc said he didn't allow patients to see ahead of time. He confirmed the size and location of Bear's tumor and firmed up his end of the treatment plan. 

While he gave us all of the options, including studies and clinical trials and the current "Watch and Wait" protocol, Dr. Brookover said Bear was too young with too many kids to do anything other than super aggressive treatment. After chemo and radiation, he will give Bear some time off to regain health and strength and then perform LAR surgery to remove the affected portion of the rectum, reattach it to the colon, and put in an ileostomy bag to reroute waste away from the anastomosis (where the two pieces of bowel are sutured). He said to anticipate having the bag for three months, to insure proper healing and reduce infection, but then it can be reversed. 

     

We had to go our separate ways after the appointment, since Bear is teaching AI classes this week, and I had to get back to my regular daily chores and tasks. After over a week of fighting our insurance to cover the MRI needed to give more detail on the tumor and metastasis, Dr. Lin (our radiation oncologist) was able to complete a peer-to-peer review and get it pushed through. Insert MASSIVE rolling eyes here. I hate healthcare in the United States and I hate insurance companies even more. WTH?!?! Anyway, just after noon, we were able to book Bear for an MRI on the 18th.

Just two hours later, before I left to pick the little kids up from school, I received a phone call from the cancer center saying we could't wait until the 18th for Bear's MRI. They had received authorization to squeeze it in any way they could and asked if we'd be able to drive to Oceanside (an hour north of us) for a 10:30 p.m. appointment TODAY! The gal on the phone apologized for it being such a late appointment and so far away and I laughed and told her she'd feel really bad when I told her it was our wedding anniversary. She DID feel bad and when she said she hoped we could celebrate appropriately soon, I got all choked up. Getting that immediate MRI appointment after so much work to even get it approved was the best anniversary gift I could have ever hoped for! 

Money is always tight for us, but all of these unexpected expenses have made it worse. Bear remembered he had coupons for two free sandwiches from The Grinder, a local deli owned by the family of one of his coworkers. They were gifted to Elisabeth as part of a housesitting gig over the summer, but she didn't want them and gave them to us. It was perfect! Bear picked up sandwiches on his way home from work and we were able to eat them just in time for his fasting cut-off for the MRI later. We were in the middle of evening chaos with the kiddos, so we hid in our bedroom and ate the sandwiches in bed. 

After the little kids were asleep, we let the big kids know we were going to go on a drive as an anniversary date. We headed up to the MRI appointment and listened to our wedding favor CD on the drive up. The facility was gorgeous and completely empty. The only people there were literally a security guard, a receptionist, and the radiologist. The receptionist shut down her computer and left once she checked us in, the security guard was gone when we walked out, and the radiologist got into his car as we drove away. In fact, we struggled to find a way out of the building because it was all locked down! We were SO lucky to get that appointment. 

     

After the appointment, we drove to Sonic Drive-in, which was the only place still open, and picked up burgers, onion rings, and drinks to go. We drove out to South Carlsbad State Beach, which is where we spend a week or two camping as a family every summer, and we ate our dinner while watching the surf and listening to the waves. 

It was definitely not the most glamorous of anniversaries, ha! But I told Bear there was something sweet and sacred about being at the point in a relationship where that stuff truly doesn't matter and where you're so comfortable with one another that you can find joy in the small things in life like just being together. I sure do love that boy.